How to improve your self-esteem
How to improve your self-esteem
Nothing is more important than how you feel and think about yourself.
A good opinion of ourselves, who we are and what we do, and basically self-love, are elements that most of us lack.
Why is building and maintaining high self-esteem so important? Because life becomes simpler. When you love yourself, things become simple and easier.
You won’t be building sandcastles anymore. You will not drag yourself down for simple mistakes or for falling short of a perfect and inhuman standard. You will have more inner stability. You will stop trying so eagerly to gain validation and attention from other people.
Thus, your inner state will be more emotionally stable and you will not be concerned with what some people may think or say about you.
Less self-sabotage
Most people’s worst enemy is themselves. By increasing and keeping your self-esteem high, you will feel that you deserve more and better things in life.
You will remember your goals and pursue them with greater motivation. And when you accomplish them, you’ll be much less likely to succumb to self-doubt.
You will be more attractive in any relationship
With better self-esteem you will have the benefits listed above. You will be more stable and able to handle difficult times better. You will be more giving.
Being with someone will be a simple and light experience with no drama, arguments or fights based on little or nothing.
All these are attractive in any relationship, regardless of whether it is friendly, collegial or romantic.
You will be happier
It is a given that all of the above will make your life happier. But how do you improve your self-esteem in a practical way? Here are some important tips and habits that will improve your self-esteem, even during difficult times in your life.
- Say “stop” to your harsh self-criticism
A good place to start with improving your self-esteem is to learn how to handle and replace the voice of your inner critic. We all have such an inner voice that prompts us to do things to gain the acceptance of the people around us. But at the same time it will drag your self-esteem down.
This inner voice whispers or shouts destructive thoughts into our mind e.g. “You are lazy and sloppy, now get to work.” or “You’re not good at your job at all, and someone will find out and fire you.” or “You are worse or uglier than your friend/colleague.”.
There are ways to minimize that judgmental voice and replace it with more helpful thoughts. You can change the way you see yourself. One way to do this is to simply say stop whenever this type of self-criticism comes to mind. You can do this by creating a stop word or stop phrase.
Then refocus your thoughts on something more constructive. Like planning what you want to eat for dinner. In the long run, it also helps a lot to find better ways to motivate yourself to not listen to your inner critic at all.
- Use healthier incentives
Having healthy motivation helps make your inner judge less useful to yourself and that voice weaker. At the same time, it motivates you to take action and increase your self-esteem.
Remind yourself of the benefits of high self-esteem. A simple but powerful way to motivate yourself is to write down the deeply felt benefits you will get from following that new path or achieving a goal.
An example is getting in better shape and having more energy for your family, friends, partner and loved ones. Another motivation is to earn more money so you can travel with the love of your life and experience wonderful new things together.
When your list is complete, put it somewhere you will see it every day. For example in your workplace or in your fridge. Refocus on doing what you really love to do. Then the motivation to do so tends to come almost automatically. When you really want something in life, then it becomes easier to push through any internal resistance.
So if you lose your motivation, ask yourself: “Am I doing what I really want to do?” If not, then refocus and start working in that direction. After using your word or phrase, focus on one of these techniques. Over time it will become a habit and your inner critic will appear less and less often.
- Take 2-minute self-esteem breaks
This is a very simple and fun habit. If you spend just two minutes every day for a month, then it can make a huge difference.
The process is this: take a deep breath, slow down and ask yourself this question: what are 3 things I can appreciate about myself? Some examples are: “I help a lot of people every day”, “I make people laugh and forget their problems”, “I am very caring with my pets”. These self-statements don’t have to be about big things. Maybe you just listened fully, for a few minutes, to someone who needed it today. That you took a healthy walk or bike ride after work. That you are a caring and kind person.
These short breaks not only build self-esteem in the long run, but can also reverse a negative mood and recharge you with a lot of positive energy.
- At night, write 3 things that you can appreciate about yourself
This is a variation of the habit above, and the combination of the two can be extremely powerful in boosting self-esteem. You may prefer this variant because at the end of the day you have a little more free time for yourself.
What you need to ask yourself is the question from the last section: What are 3 things I can appreciate about myself?
Record your answers in a journal or on your computer/smartphone.
An added benefit of journaling is that after a few weeks you can read through all the responses to stay positive and get a good boost of self-esteem to change perspective on days when you might need it most.
- Do the right thing
When you do what you believe deep down is right, then you raise and strengthen your self-esteem. It can be something like getting off the couch and going to the gym.
You can show understanding rather than criticism in a situation. You need to stop worrying or feeling sorry for yourself and focus on opportunities and gratitude for what you really have.
It’s not always easy to do, but focusing on it and doing it to the best of your ability makes a big difference in both the results you get and how you think of yourself. A tip that makes it easier for you to stay consistent in doing the right thing is to try to do a few such actions early in the day. Like paying someone a compliment, eating a healthy breakfast and exercising. This sets the tone for the rest of your day.
- Replace perfectionism
Few thoughts and habits can be as destructive to everyday life as perfectionism. It can paralyze you from taking action because you are so afraid of falling short on some level. Hence, you put things off and don’t get the results you want. This will make your self-esteem sink.
Sometimes, you take action, but you’re rarely satisfied with what you’ve accomplished. Your opinion and feelings about yourself become increasingly negative and your motivation to take action plummets.
How can you overcome perfectionism? Aim for “good enough”. When you aim for perfection, it usually results in a never-ending project. Don’t use this as an excuse to relax. Just realize that there is a stage called good enough and when you get there, then you’re done.
Myths of perfection will hurt you and the people in your life. Life is not like movies, songs or novels. A good reality check every time you dream of perfection can be beneficial.
Your ideal expectations may clash with reality and damage or even lead to the end of relationships, jobs, etc.
- Handle mistakes and failures in a more positive way
If you step outside of your comfort zone and try to achieve anything that is truly meaningful, you will most likely stumble and fall.
This is quite normal. It is what all the people who tried for something that really mattered encountered. When you stumble try this:
Be your own best friend. Instead of beating yourself up, ask yourself: How would a friend or parent support and help me in this situation? Then do things and talk to yourself like they would.
This process will prevent you from falling into a pit of despair and help you be more constructive after the initial sadness of a mistake or failure begins to fade.
Take it another way! Another way to be more constructive in such situations is to focus on optimism and opportunities. So ask yourself: What can I learn from this? And what opportunity can I spot in this situation? This will help you change your mind.
- Be kind to other people
When you are kind to others, you tend to behave and think of yourself in a kinder way. How you treat other people is how they tend to treat you in the long run.
So focus on being kind in your everyday life. You can for example: Just be there and listen while you let someone explode. Let someone into your lane while driving. Encourage a friend or family member when they are unsure or unmotivated. Take a few minutes to help someone in a practical way. Share on social media what helped you in a difficult situation.
- Try something new
When you try something new, when you more or less challenge yourself and go outside your comfort zone, then your opinion of yourself goes up.
You may not have done everything in a spectacular or wonderful way, but at least you tried instead of sitting on your hands and doing nothing. This is something to appreciate in yourself and can help you bounce back from a setback.
So regularly go outside your comfort zone. Don’t expect anything, just tell yourself you’ll try something. Then you can do the same thing a few more times to improve your own performance.
If you feel scared or uncomfortable, don’t blame yourself. Take a smaller step forward, gently pushing yourself into motion.
- Stop falling into the comparison trap
When you compare your life, yourself and what you have to other people’s lives and what they have, then you have a destructive habit on your hands. Because you can never win all the time. There is always someone who has more or is better than you at something in the world
So replace this habit with something better. Look how far you’ve come so far. Compare yourself to yourself. Focus on you, your results and how you have improved your results.
This will motivate you and increase your self-esteem.
- Spend more time with supportive people (and less time with destructive people)
Even if you focus on being kinder to others (and yourself) and replacing a habit of perfectionism, it will be difficult to keep your self-esteem high if the most important influences in your life are pulling it down.
So make changes to the data you receive. Choose to spend less time with people who are nervous perfectionists, rude, or unsupportive of your dreams or goals. Spend more time with positive, uplifting people who have more humane and kinder standards and ways of thinking about things.
Think about what you read, listen to and watch. Spend less time on an online forum, reading a magazine, or watching a TV show if you feel it makes you insecure or makes you feel more negative about yourself.
Then spend the time you spent on this source of information on something more constructive, such as reading books, blogs, websites, radio shows, that help you and make you feel good about yourself.
- Remember the whys of high self-esteem
What is a simple way to stay consistent in doing something? As mentioned above: remember the most important reasons why you are doing it. So remind yourself of the whys (listed at the beginning of this article) to help him stay motivated to work on your self-esteem and make it a top priority. Keeping these powerful reasons in mind can work wonders.