Subconscious anxiety… Where does it come from and how can I deal with it…

The worst stress is the stress of not being stressed! But there is another aspect, less visible, insidious, a little beyond what our senses hear in the here and now, the subconscious anxiety.

The man who is afraid to suffer, already suffers from what he fears.

Subconscious anxiety feeds fears in the person, for this reason he often rejects the existence of anxiety in his life, denies it, internalizes it, drowns it inside himself for a long time.

Subconscious anxiety as a ‘camouflage’ of the true self.

They are people who want to maintain their sense of pride, the image of their omnipotence, their independence, the idea that they are unbending and enduring.

Here, selfishness may speak outwardly, but there is a hidden insecurity. These people will hardly seek help because they will feel vulnerable and do not realize when they are reaching their limits, ignoring the signs.

They have a tendency to push themselves more and more in order to prove that they always succeed, setting themselves repeated deadlines, as if they are taking exams every day. An internal competition with oneself.

• Is it the belief that I shouldn’t let others down?
• Is it the anxiety of what they will think of me?
• Is it the hunt for the perfect?
• Is it the fear of rejection or failure?
• Are repressed emotions breaking out?

All of these may be true. Everything that may have taken hold in us as ingrained beliefs about ourselves, others, the world around us, and automatically emerges as feelings and behaviors, without us processing it.

Subconscious anxiety is anxiety that we don’t know why it occurs to us. We feel anxiety or similar symptoms while everything in our life may seem to be going well. We cannot make sense of it. And when something can’t be explained based on how we are in the present, maybe it would be helpful to take a deeper look at ourselves

How is subconscious anxiety built in us?

This stress builds up in us progressively. It often has childhood as its source. It accumulates, it can be repelled consciously or unconsciously, it flows through us and as long as we don’t touch it, we don’t understand it, we don’t bother to evaluate our life, what is wrong with us and we are stressed, that stress will grow and manifest itself in symptoms coming to surface.

We often attribute this stress to external factors, (eg circumstances are to blame, others are to blame, work is to blame). Excuses, even if not intentional, come wrongly to restore the truth. The excessive preoccupation with work, the dependent relationship with the partner, the woman who is ‘married to her kitchen’, are common ways of avoiding a real inner stress.

Man, however, cannot live for years with buried emotions, with underground anger, disappointments, sadness, repressed, guilt, unfulfilled desires, that’s why we feel at some point something awakens inside us, a rebellion takes place, as we experience in panic attacks, phobias, depression.

The symptoms of subconscious anxiety can manifest in a variety of ways.

Feelings

Sadness, melancholy, low mood

Lack of interest

Intense anger

Disappointment

Feeling lonely

Nervousness – inability to relax and enjoy

Dysthymic mood, i.e. periods where joy alternates with sadness.

Behavior

Tendency to isolate

Irritability

Increased/Decreased appetite for food

Difficulty sleeping

Inability to organize schedule and time

Compulsions

Avoidance of situations or people

Habits such as nail biting, fast pacing or nervousness in movements, hair pulling, preoccupation with facial features eg pimples, scars.

Use of alcohol, drugs, smoking aimed at relief

Escape tendencies – impulsivity

Physical symptoms

Muscle tension

Gastrointestinal problems

Skin diseases

Indigestion

Difficulty breathing

Feeling tired

Motion sickness

Dizziness

Decreased sexual desire/libido

Tachycardia, arrhythmias

Plaque on the chest

Cognitive functions

Inability to concentrate

Memory problems

Attention Deficit

Automatic anxious thoughts

Focusing mainly on negative stimuli

Decreased judgment

Difficulty making decisions

Procrastination

Subconscious anxiety can also lead to heightened mental dysfunction in the individual, manifesting:

Panic attacks

Social anxiety

Fears

Compulsions

Depression (years most often)

Addictive behaviors (workaholism)

Psychosomatic diseases (irritable bowel)

Dysthymia

If you feel similar symptoms, without being able to interpret them, first clarify whether they are the result of an organic disorder or side effects of substances or drugs.

So, anxiety may knock on our door at a given moment, but it feeds on us for years. It grows slowly. Let’s not forget that every person has a unique story and path behind them. The severity and intensity of stress and the forms it can take in life depend on what the individual experiences and how they experience it. With the personality he has, the past and the traumas he carries, the beliefs he has about himself.

What are the reasons for the existence of subconscious anxiety?

Let’s think of situations or experiences where we were denied the right to be ourselves. Who we are, with our personal wants, desires and needs.

When we wanted to do something but we did something else, which burdens us, troubles us and gets in the way of our happiness and satisfaction with life. Let’s think about the many ‘yes’ we’ve said, which were actually ‘no’.

Every need that we have pushed away, that we have put aside or things that we have hidden from ourselves, as if they never happened, we may have buried them, but they have an underground energy. An energy that wants to be expressed and satisfied. She asks us to get in touch with her.

Perhaps, the excessive anxiety we have been instilled in us towards the duty not to disappoint others, to protect them by making self-sacrifices and concessions regardless of what we want.

Perhaps low self-esteem, the feeling that I am not worthy, not loved, not wanted by others, that I am inferior, give rise to the fear of abandonment, rejection and failure. So we depend on others because we fear being alone, we believe we deserve to suffer, we chase perfection so as not to show weakness, we fear being judged or we feel that only by obeying the will of others will we be liked and accepted.

Many people with low self-esteem either become reactive or submissive types. But this anxiety arises from deep-rooted beliefs that have been formed during the first years of childhood and the relationship with parents.

Many of the psychological problems signal the repressed desire for pleasure and spontaneity. An anxious person has trapped himself in internal prohibitions, in specific ‘shoulds’ and restrictions.

They are people who grew up in a repressed, strict, deprived, overprotective, avoidant and phobic environment, stigmatizing childhood.

Nothing limits us more than our thoughts and feelings about ourselves.

Unexpressed feelings never die.

We must understand that the only things in this life that limit us are not others, but our thoughts and feelings. Also, we tend to believe what we think and feel about ourselves, without them being real facts. We say that even our actions incriminate who we are. To an extent it may be true. But to open such a conversation we should ask ourselves how we define who I am. It’s different what we see on the outside than what we are.

What factors perpetuate subconscious anxiety?

So, without realizing it, we adopt avoidance behaviors and behaviors that create security for us away from what worries us and scares us.

For some reason fear rules our minds and we underestimate our strengths. We tolerate unpleasant situations, we succumb to the pressures of others, because we are afraid of losing something that we consider important to us.

Many women for example feel the victim in their relationships. They feel that the man has the upper hand, belittles her, gives her responsibilities that may not concern her, perhaps exercises an authority. Women who put up with it, even if they know they are not happy in such a relational context, put up with it because they may fear loneliness if they break up or because they may be financially dependent on the man.

We also avoid because we know it will hurt. But the pain of avoidance within us is worse. For example, commitment anxiety in relationships may mean the fear of possible rejection/abandonment or that the person will be hurt and disappointed again. Therefore, by avoiding what can potentially hurt him in the long run, he puts up barriers, limits himself, closes his heart giving the illusion that he is now fine, he is in control of his emotions reducing the possibility of being hurt again.

But our fears poison our every inner need. They trap us in ideas and thoughts that cease to have logic and imagination prevails. Irrational thoughts, disproportionate to reality, entering a mental game of self-doubt. By making ourselves comfortable or avoiding situations, it is as if we significantly reduce our expectation of happiness.

We “don’t change”, but we regain the lost connection with ourselves.

Whatever mental state we are experiencing (depression, anxiety, panic attacks), it is good not to fall into the trap of thinking that I have to change.

To change means what? Should I be someone else? Healthier? More functional?

The truth is that whenever we face a mental health issue, like subconscious anxiety in this case, and make a decision to manage it, we do so to get in touch with our true selves. With the hidden power within us. To reconnect with every neglected aspect of ourselves. We have a stable core within us, which many around can be distorted, neglected, not developed in a healthy, functional way (beliefs, needs, self-esteem, values).

In these we are called to intervene so that the person understands what is happening to him and why and finally acquiring skills and tools to manage everything that troubles him.

Observe yourself impartially.

Do not try to ignore any warning sign that our body sends us or that worries us about ourselves. Because it’s like we’re drowning ourselves in the void.

Observe your body, evaluate the reliability of your thoughts, why you feel the way you do, because there are times when you may have accumulated anxiety, but deep down you are suspicious of why you are anxious. You can incorporate the calendar into your routine. Write down the disturbing thoughts, what worries you, what frustrates you, what you feel, what situations stress you, what you could have thought of instead, in order to achieve a deeper understanding of what is happening to you. Reveal yourself to yourself.

When you make such an effort it can be difficult to put your ego aside, to admit that you too may have been responsible in a situation, to think that you are putting yourself down by what you write, but awareness is what sets you free. and subsequently the management of all that affects us.

If you feel like you can’t cope, that stress has overwhelmed you, if you have persistent worries and fears that affect you in your daily functioning, don’t hesitate to seek the help of a mental health professional.

So it’s time not only to set the terms of the game, but also to enjoy it.

Yalom: “It’s a joy to see other people unleash the wellsprings of wisdom within them…”

“I rarely hear my fellow therapists complain that their lives have no meaning.

The life of the therapist is a life of giving, in which we daily transcend our personal desires and turn our gaze towards the needs and maturation of others. We delight not only in our patient’s maturation but also in the phenomenon of concentric circles – the life-saving effect our patients have on the people they relate to in their lives.

This is a great privilege. And a great satisfaction.

Speaking earlier about the dangers of the profession I described the persistent, endless self-observation and inner work that our profession requires. But this very requirement is more a privilege than a burden, for it is an inherent protection against stagnation. The active therapist is constantly evolving, ever growing in terms of self-awareness and awareness.

How can one guide other people in an examination of the deep structures of mind and being without simultaneously examining oneself? Nor is it possible to ask a patient to focus her attention on the way she relates to others without examining your own corresponding ways.

Our work gives us not only the opportunity to transcend ourselves, to evolve and mature, not only the privilege of a clear look that leads us to the true and tragic awareness of human fate, but it offers us even more.

We watch our patients let go of old self-destructive behavior patterns, distance themselves from things they’ve always complained about, develop a zest for life, learn to love ourselves, and through that, reach out with love to others.

It’s a joy to see other people release the wellsprings of wisdom they hold within. Sometimes I feel like someone who shows his patients around in their own house, from room to room. What an amazing gift to see them open doors to rooms they’ve never been in before, to discover new wings of their home where exiled pieces of themselves – wise, beautiful and creative components of their identity – reside.”

Irvin Yalom, THE GIFT OF PSYCHOTHERAPY

How to improve your self-esteem

Nothing is more important than how you feel and think about yourself.

A good opinion of ourselves, who we are and what we do, and basically self-love, are elements that most of us lack.

Why is building and maintaining high self-esteem so important? Because life becomes simpler. When you love yourself, things become simple and easier.

You won’t be building sandcastles anymore. You will not drag yourself down for simple mistakes or for falling short of a perfect and inhuman standard. You will have more inner stability. You will stop trying so eagerly to gain validation and attention from other people.

Thus, your inner state will be more emotionally stable and you will not be concerned with what some people may think or say about you.

Less self-sabotage

Most people’s worst enemy is themselves. By increasing and keeping your self-esteem high, you will feel that you deserve more and better things in life.

You will remember your goals and pursue them with greater motivation. And when you accomplish them, you’ll be much less likely to succumb to self-doubt.

You will be more attractive in any relationship

With better self-esteem you will have the benefits listed above. You will be more stable and able to handle difficult times better. You will be more giving.

Being with someone will be a simple and light experience with no drama, arguments or fights based on little or nothing.

All these are attractive in any relationship, regardless of whether it is friendly, collegial or romantic.

You will be happier

It is a given that all of the above will make your life happier. But how do you improve your self-esteem in a practical way? Here are some important tips and habits that will improve your self-esteem, even during difficult times in your life.

1. Say “stop” to your harsh self-criticism

A good place to start with improving your self-esteem is to learn how to handle and replace the voice of your inner critic. We all have such an inner voice that prompts us to do things to gain the acceptance of the people around us. But at the same time it will drag your self-esteem down.

This inner voice whispers or shouts destructive thoughts into our mind e.g. “You are lazy and sloppy, now get to work.” or “You’re not good at your job at all, and someone will find out and fire you.” or “You are worse or uglier than your friend/colleague.”.

There are ways to minimize that judgmental voice and replace it with more helpful thoughts. You can change the way you see yourself. One way to do this is to simply say stop whenever this type of self-criticism comes to mind. You can do this by creating a stop word or stop phrase.

Then refocus your thoughts on something more constructive. Like planning what you want to eat for dinner. In the long run, it also helps a lot to find better ways to motivate yourself to not listen to your inner critic at all.

2. Use healthier incentives

Having healthy motivation helps make your inner judge less useful to yourself and that voice weaker. At the same time, it motivates you to take action and increase your self-esteem.

Remind yourself of the benefits of high self-esteem. A simple but powerful way to motivate yourself is to write down the deeply felt benefits you will get from following that new path or achieving a goal.

An example is getting in better shape and having more energy for your family, friends, partner and loved ones. Another motivation is to earn more money so you can travel with the love of your life and experience wonderful new things together.

When your list is complete, put it somewhere you will see it every day. For example in your workplace or in your fridge. Refocus on doing what you really love to do. Then the motivation to do so tends to come almost automatically. When you really want something in life, then it becomes easier to push through any internal resistance.

So if you lose your motivation, ask yourself: “Am I doing what I really want to do?” If not, then refocus and start working in that direction. After using your word or phrase, focus on one of these techniques. Over time it will become a habit and your inner critic will appear less and less often.

3. Take 2-minute self-esteem breaks

This is a very simple and fun habit. If you spend just two minutes every day for a month, then it can make a huge difference.

The process is this: take a deep breath, slow down and ask yourself this question: what are 3 things I can appreciate about myself? Some examples are: “I help a lot of people every day”, “I make people laugh and forget their problems”, “I am very caring with my pets”. These self-statements don’t have to be about big things. Maybe you just listened fully, for a few minutes, to someone who needed it today. That you took a healthy walk or bike ride after work. That you are a caring and kind person.

These short breaks not only build self-esteem in the long run, but can also reverse a negative mood and recharge you with a lot of positive energy.

4. At night, write 3 things that you can appreciate about yourself

This is a variation of the habit above, and the combination of the two can be extremely powerful in boosting self-esteem. You may prefer this variant because at the end of the day you have a little more free time for yourself.

What you need to ask yourself is the question from the last section: What are 3 things I can appreciate about myself?

Record your answers in a journal or on your computer/smartphone.

An added benefit of journaling is that after a few weeks you can read through all the responses to stay positive and get a good boost of self-esteem to change perspective on days when you might need it most.

5. Do the right thing

When you do what you believe deep down is right, then you raise and strengthen your self-esteem. It can be something like getting off the couch and going to the gym.

You can show understanding rather than criticism in a situation. You need to stop worrying or feeling sorry for yourself and focus on opportunities and gratitude for what you really have.

It’s not always easy to do, but focusing on it and doing it to the best of your ability makes a big difference in both the results you get and how you think of yourself. A tip that makes it easier for you to stay consistent in doing the right thing is to try to do a few such actions early in the day. Like paying someone a compliment, eating a healthy breakfast and exercising. This sets the tone for the rest of your day.

6. Replace perfectionism

Few thoughts and habits can be as destructive to everyday life as perfectionism. It can paralyze you from taking action because you are so afraid of falling short on some level. Hence, you put things off and don’t get the results you want. This will make your self-esteem sink.

Sometimes, you take action, but you’re rarely satisfied with what you’ve accomplished. Your opinion and feelings about yourself become increasingly negative and your motivation to take action plummets.

How can you overcome perfectionism? Aim for “good enough”. When you aim for perfection, it usually results in a never-ending project. Don’t use this as an excuse to relax. Just realize that there is a stage called good enough and when you get there, then you’re done.

Myths of perfection will hurt you and the people in your life. Life is not like movies, songs or novels. A good reality check every time you dream of perfection can be beneficial.

Your ideal expectations may clash with reality and damage or even lead to the end of relationships, jobs, etc.

7. Handle mistakes and failures in a more positive way

If you step outside of your comfort zone and try to achieve anything that is truly meaningful, you will most likely stumble and fall.

This is quite normal. It is what all the people who tried for something that really mattered encountered. When you stumble try this:

Be your own best friend. Instead of beating yourself up, ask yourself: How would a friend or parent support and help me in this situation? Then do things and talk to yourself like they would.

This process will prevent you from falling into a pit of despair and help you be more constructive after the initial sadness of a mistake or failure begins to fade.

Take it another way! Another way to be more constructive in such situations is to focus on optimism and opportunities. So ask yourself: What can I learn from this? And what opportunity can I spot in this situation? This will help you change your mind.

8. Be kind to other people

When you are kind to others, you tend to behave and think of yourself in a kinder way. How you treat other people is how they tend to treat you in the long run.

So focus on being kind in your everyday life. You can for example: Just be there and listen while you let someone explode. Let someone into your lane while driving. Encourage a friend or family member when they are unsure or unmotivated. Take a few minutes to help someone in a practical way. Share on social media what helped you in a difficult situation.

9. Try something new

When you try something new, when you more or less challenge yourself and go outside your comfort zone, then your opinion of yourself goes up.

You may not have done everything in a spectacular or wonderful way, but at least you tried instead of sitting on your hands and doing nothing. This is something to appreciate in yourself and can help you bounce back from a setback.

So regularly go outside your comfort zone. Don’t expect anything, just tell yourself you’ll try something. Then you can do the same thing a few more times to improve your own performance.

If you feel scared or uncomfortable, don’t blame yourself. Take a smaller step forward, gently pushing yourself into motion.

10. Stop falling into the comparison trap

When you compare your life, yourself and what you have to other people’s lives and what they have, then you have a destructive habit on your hands. Because you can never win all the time. There is always someone who has more or is better than you at something in the world

So replace this habit with something better. Look how far you’ve come so far. Compare yourself to yourself. Focus on you, your results and how you have improved your results.

This will motivate you and increase your self-esteem.

11. Spend more time with supportive people (and less time with destructive people)

Even if you focus on being kinder to others (and yourself) and replacing a habit of perfectionism, it will be difficult to keep your self-esteem high if the most important influences in your life are pulling it down.

So make changes to the data you receive. Choose to spend less time with people who are nervous perfectionists, rude, or unsupportive of your dreams or goals. Spend more time with positive, uplifting people who have more humane and kinder standards and ways of thinking about things.

Think about what you read, listen to and watch. Spend less time on an online forum, reading a magazine, or watching a TV show if you feel it makes you insecure or makes you feel more negative about yourself.

Then spend the time you spent on this source of information on something more constructive, such as reading books, blogs, websites, radio shows, that help you and make you feel good about yourself.

12. Remember the whys of high self-esteem

What is a simple way to stay consistent in doing something? As mentioned above: remember the most important reasons why you are doing it. So remind yourself of the whys (listed at the beginning of this article) to help him stay motivated to work on your self-esteem and make it a top priority. Keeping these powerful reasons in mind can work wonders.

What is the connection between physical and mental health?

For most people, physical health and mental health are two very different things. But this is very far from reality. Physical and mental health are closely related. When you have good mental health, your physical health can improve and vice versa. By connecting physical and mental health and understanding how they affect each other, and thus the importance of optimizing both, you can live a happier, healthier and more fulfilling life.

What happens when a person’s Mental Health weakens?

When you are in a good mental state, you can stay physically healthy. In fact, studies show that having a positive outlook on life can reduce the risks of heart attacks and strokes. Additionally, studies show that happiness helps reduce inflammation levels in the body. Either way, good mental health can help you live a healthier and happier life.

What happens when a person’s Physical Health weakens?

Sooner or later, we all reach a point where we realize why we shouldn’t take our health for granted. For example, when someone breaks their leg and can’t walk without help, all they’ll think about is how great it will be when they walk again. Before the accident, he probably didn’t spend any time thinking about the health of his leg.

Likewise, when a person is diagnosed with a serious condition, it can be difficult to maintain an optimistic outlook on life, and negative thoughts could lead to depression. In turn, depression can have a negative impact on a person’s overall health and further worsen the current condition.

7 Tips for improving Mental and Physical Health

Now that you have more knowledge about the mind-body connection and how our physical and mental health are connected, let’s look at some tips you can use to improve your mental and physical health and live life to the fullest.

Regular Exercise

Exercising on a regular basis can improve your physical health while helping you lose weight and increase your energy and stamina. At the same time, exercise can also help improve your mental health – and depression and anxiety in particular. The better you feel physically, the easier it is to see the world in a positive light. You spend less time dealing with aches and pains and have the energy needed to accomplish more every day.

Sleep well

If you don’t get enough sleep, you won’t feel well in the morning. It is so simple. Without enough sleep, you will have to function with less energy and may have trouble concentrating. If you don’t get enough sleep, you increase your chances of developing heart disease, diabetes, and high blood pressure, among other unpleasant conditions.

Getting enough sleep each night—seven to nine hours is recommended—can improve your learning and problem-solving skills while increasing your attention, creativity, and decision-making abilities.

Do not abuse alcohol

If you’ve ever had a hangover after a night of overindulgence, you probably have a good idea that alcohol isn’t good for your physical health. What you may not know is that drinking alcohol is also associated with mental health problems such as depression, anxiety and an overall negative outlook on life.

By giving up alcohol, you will improve your mental and physical health. Replace these substances with healthy meals and exercise for multiple benefits.

Practice mindfulness

Many of us go through life without really paying attention to small things. By forcing yourself to pay more attention to the present moment, you can become more in tune with your body, which can help reduce depression and anxiety—and even help you manage chronic pain. All of this is possible by practicing mindfulness, a meditative practice inspired by Buddhist teachings.

See your doctor

You are used to taking care of your car with regular oil changes and service. Similarly, you should go to your doctor on a regular basis. The sooner you recognize that something is wrong with your body, the sooner you can recover. By developing a strong relationship with a medical practitioner, you can increase your physical and mental well-being.

Talk to a Mental Health Counselor / Psychotherapist

Likewise, it makes perfect sense to join forces with a trusted therapist who can help you overcome problems, change the way you think, and manage any mental health issues you may be dealing with.

A therapist can be especially helpful when it comes to solving the problems you are experiencing. When you have a strong relationship with a therapist, you will have someone who can help you maintain a good quality of life, no matter what obstacles you encounter in it.